When Equity Feels Like Loss

There’s a concept that tends to stir something in people—especially those who’ve had the benefit of rarely needing to think about inclusion:

Equity can feel like oppression to those who are privileged.

It’s a confronting idea. Not because it’s accusatory, but because it holds up a mirror. And sometimes, that mirror reflects a version of ourselves we didn’t know we were projecting.

But here’s the thing: discomfort doesn’t mean we’re doing something wrong. Sometimes, it means we’re finally paying attention.

The moment that stayed with me

I recently asked a senior leader—someone I respect—about how inclusion and belonging show up for him in the workplace.

His answer was honest and simple:

"It doesn’t really show up for me. I haven’t given it much thought."

And that’s the point.

He didn’t mean it harshly. It wasn’t defensive—it was candid. And it captured something I’ve seen time and again in work spaces: if something doesn’t affect us directly, it often doesn’t register. We assume everything is working fine—because it works for us.

Equity is not the enemy of success

Let’s be clear: privilege isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s not an insult or an accusation. It’s the absence of certain barriers and the benefit of walking through systems that were built with you in mind. And when those systems begin to shift—when organizations start to redesign opportunities so more people can access them—those who were once centered may feel sidelined.

But equity isn’t about removing opportunity from some and handing it to others. It’s about redistributing access so that everyone has a fair shot at thriving.

Here’s the truth many don’t want to say out loud:

When you’ve always had the mic, sharing it can feel like being silenced.
When you’ve always been considered the “default,” making room for others can feel like losing your place.

This isn’t about blame—it’s about understanding the emotional weight of change. Inclusion work isn’t just organizational—it’s deeply personal. It touches ego, identity, and the unspoken rules many of us have lived by without ever questioning.

So when people feel resistant, it’s not always because they oppose equity. Sometimes, it’s because they haven’t had to see the imbalance until now. And seeing it clearly can be jarring.

The invisibility of privilege

When a leader says, “It doesn’t show up for me,” they’re telling the truth. Because for many, inclusion hasn’t needed to show up. They’ve always had access. Always been welcomed. Always been represented—in the branding, the boardroom, the voice of authority.

That invisibility—of not needing to think about exclusion—is itself a marker of privilege.

And that’s not inherently a bad thing. But it is a signal. A cue to begin noticing what we’ve never had to notice. We move through systems built with us in mind and rarely feel the friction others experience daily. That absence of friction can feel like neutrality—or even fairness. But when organizations begin to shift toward equity—when we actively design systems to support those who’ve been historically excluded—those who once moved through with ease may suddenly feel like something’s being taken away.

That feeling isn’t proof that equity has gone too far. It’s proof that it’s finally being felt.

Leading Through Discomfort

If you’re in a leadership or HR role, and equity conversations are stirring discomfort, you’re not alone. But that discomfort? It’s not a stop sign. It’s an invitation.

It’s asking:

• What systems have we normalized that seem “neutral” but are actually exclusive?

• Who has to adjust daily just to belong here—and who never even notices?

• How are we defining “fit,” and who does that inherently exclude?

Growth isn’t always comfortable. But comfort zones don’t change systems. Leaders do.

This isn’t about guilt—it’s about responsibility. Those with privilege aren’t the enemy. In fact, they often hold the greatest potential to spark change. But that requires a shift:

From passive awareness to active leadership.
From “It doesn’t show up for me” to “How do I make sure it does—for everyone?”

If your employees are experiencing exclusion and you’re not aware of it, it’s not because it isn’t happening. It’s because the system is still working in your favour.

The companies that will thrive in the next decade won’t be the ones that simply talk about diversity. They’ll be the ones who do the deep work of equity. Who understand that inclusion is about rethinking power, access, and who gets to shape the culture. And that means leadership needs to look in the mirror—with humility, with curiosity, and with the willingness to sit with discomfort rather than rush past it.

The truth is, equity work will ask something of you. It might ask you to re-examine decisions you thought were fair. To question habits you didn’t realize were exclusionary. To make space when you’re used to taking the lead. That’s not easy. But it’s necessary. Not because it looks good on a values statement. But because people—your people—are watching, and feeling, and waiting for a culture that truly includes them.

The question isn’t whether you’re a good leader. It’s whether you’re willing to lead differently.